…exposing the fundamental evils of the word ‘ALMOST’

Read on – you might almost enjoy this.

An almost jackpot doesn't let you retire

Analysing the word ‘almost’ brings a depressing discovery. Yes, we grow up believing it has positive associations, seeing adults constantly tell us as children that our clumsy skills ‘almost’ got us what we wanted. The praise is enough to divert our attention that we completely failed in our mission’s objective (even if that mission involves cramming a soggy biscuit into a key hole).

But do we ever grow out of this learned behaviour? Or do we continue to suck on the comfort of the word ‘almost’ throughout life?

Yes, yes we do. Just listen for the stream of ‘almost’ during your next (almost) success or achievement. Good for you, considering  ‘almost’ is really just a synonym for ‘not quite’, ‘nearly there’ and ‘you loose, loser’.

Face it. At a fundament level, ‘almost’ is just a feel-good word we reserve for losers. As in:

‘Congratulations! You almost got gold in your 100m Olympic sprint that you’ve been training for your whole life’. Yeh, but you didn’t.

‘OMG! I have five of the six numbers for the lotto jackpot! I almost won three zillion, billion, million dollars.’ Yeh, but you didn’t.

“I almost became President.” But you didn’t, did you Al Gore? Huh, John McCain?

You can see the predicament of pretending the word ‘almost’ is a positive thing. We use it as a Band-Aid to protect us from the tragic truth that we didn’t make it. It’s an emotional blanket that allows us to maintain the farce that we are really (almost) awesome.

Then again, life is about choices. And choosing how you define the word is entirely up to you.

Do you want the blue pill or the red pill?

I chose blue. And I feel really, really awesome.

Here’s why:

• I was almost discovered as the ‘hottest new actress’ when I played the lead role in a school play. I almost became a household name.
• I almost started a software company to rival Apple and Microsoft. I almost became richer than Bill Gates himself.
• I almost started the most successful blog ever created. I almost have too many followers to count.
• I almost discovered how life began on Earth. Darwin almost did too. We have a lot in common.
• I almost became a famous rock star. But I declined, given I had already suffered enough from almost becoming a famous actress.

And so, having so many ‘almost’ successful encounters in my life, I can say it’s a life worth living. The sense of achievement gives me that satisfaction feeling.

It’s nice knowing I’m almost, quite possibly, but not quite, the most awesome person in the world.

You too? You’re so freaking (almost) awesome.