...the hybrid VEGETARIAN

“I’m a vegetarian but I eat seafood,” declared a friend.

Ah, I see. Is that the same as a vegetarian who eats chicken but not pork or beef? Or is it a different kind?

Now, if I were to go around with my dictionary definition that a ‘vegetarian is someone who doesn’t eat meat or fish’ then I’d be winning a hell of a lot of arguments. Dictionary bashing, I would call it. Which is more painful than vegetarian bashing, where they try to convert you to stop eating meat while your steaks steams from the dinner table.

But that’s not my argument to win – let’s get to the green roots. Should vegetarianism exist at all?

I ask this because vegetarianism seems to have lost its path. Sure, back in its western heyday, it had statement and style. It had status. It was a fight against the inhuman treatment of animals, which lets face it, began for the sake of companies’ profit margin. Ah capitalism, the root of all evils.

And yes, their statements had an effect on the produce market. And for that, we should say thank-you. No animal should have to endure cruelty for our sake. Of course, the companies put it back on us. Now we pay extra for organic privilege. But I digress.

Now, a hybrid vegetarianism has sprouted. It appears to be based on the different levels of ‘meat evils’. Fish doesn’t leave the same dirty mark on your vegetarian soul as a big red, bloody slab of meat; nor does innocent white meat. Pork is forever on the outskirts, long since outed by religion. And seafood doesn’t count at all – it hardly bleeds, right? There are so many different segregations of ‘vegetarianism’. But all the meats are from the animal world, no? And all are killed for food. So, remind me, what’s their cause for not eating meat again?

Even if they didn’t eat any meat, full stop, what is the justification for eating cheese, yoghurt and eggs? Shall we slap a burning coffee with milk out of someone’s hands shouting ‘animal cruelty’? Do you think cows enjoy being crammed into metal contraptions to have their udder sucked dry? I’m sure they would protest and burn their metals ‘bras’ among the daisies and dandelions if they could. Then they could just eat, get fat and die – like we do. Bliss.

So if vegetarianism were true to the cause, wouldn’t it make sense to cut out all animal products? Yes, including swapping that gorgeous leather for the fake, plastic looking kind.

And people like that do exist, albeit in a kind of pale, nutrient-popping form. Once all animal products are stripped away, all you’re left with is a vegan. Should vegetarianism – in all it’s hybrid forms – exist at all?